Andre Daniel, One Year Later

Here is an update on our adopted son, Andre Daniel. He turned two years on July 23rd.

He is a gift that has exceeded our most selfish desires in every respect. He is very healthy (the only real interventions by doctors have been to insert tubes in his ears to insure they drain properly -- same procedure our oldest daughter, Deidre, had several years ago). And believe me, we have had him poked, prodded, painted, pushed and pulled by six doctors, a speech therapist, three teachers, two meddling grandmothers and a gaggle of theater freaks. Not only is he a perfectly wonderful two-year-old, he enjoys the attention.

Physical

He is small for his age, but given his first 14 months was an exercise in atrophus maximus (hey, I haven't studied Latin in 27 years and, even then, I'm not sure I really knew how to say 'malnutrition'), this is not a surprise. Since the girls are all vertically challenged, he fits right in. There are times I feel like The Bumble from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer ('lookie what HE can do!') but it all works out fine. Even if they were all taller, I'd still stand out -- they're all beautiful, so when we walk in town, I hear people humming 'One of These Things Is Not Like the Others' from Sesame Street.

His motor skills are far superior to his sisters (one of the benefits of not being genetically linked to me). In this, only his second Christmas with us, he's able to unwrap presents and actually open the boxes without help. Of course this presented problems when he realized he could open his sisters' presents, too, but more on that later in the post.

He is fully potty trained at 29 months. I'm assured by the Russian women in my office that this is further evidence of the superiority of the Russian male (or, more to their point, the inferiority of the American male) but my wife will argue it is simply her reaction to one of the array of maddening parenting cliches: boys train later than girls. This created for my wife a mission. With his exclamations of "I DID it!", she surpassed everyone's expectations. To her discredit, she has disavowed all memory of the potty training that began in Russia as soon as he was able to sit up (pay no attention to that tow-headed boy sitting on the potty seat in the summer of 2006).

Emotional

He seems to be more well-adjusted than his sisters. Perhaps it's more acurate to say he's more predictable. The girls have peaks and valleys that would make a Sherpa guide run and hide. Andre can show a full range of emotion as well, but he's generally able to roll with changes better than Deidre and Alaina, who are both still prone to crying if the wind shifts direction. He falls and hits his head, but gets right up and keeps on playing.

He has learned the valuable skill of emotional manipulation. When he does something completely out of line (throwing food, hitting his sisters, calling Russia direct during peak toll times), he is perfectly capable of the forlorn "how can you be upset with ME" look or a well-timed hug to disarm the angry parent. If he continues to hone this skill at the rate of progress we've observed, I expect a career in politics (think of a blond-haired Bill "I feel your pain" Clinton).

Sibling Survival

The first three months were a bit scary for us. Not because of Andre, because of Alaina. Deidre was nearly six-years-old when Andre arrived. It was a thrill for her and an opportunity to truly be a "big sister" in a way that made Mom happy and made Deidre feel mature. Alaina, on the other hand, gave us clues that should have concerned us. Pointing at him and saying "Baby" was most common. What we didn't realize is that she was indicating her surprise that he had not gone back home yet. "Baby..." was intended to communicate "Do you KNOW he's still here?!?" That's when the attempts on his life began. We had a gated, padded play area for the little ones. It was fully kid-proofed, loaded with age-appropriate toys and large enough to allow good exploration and learning. The real danger was right under our noses and our creation: Alaina the Hit-Girl. We'd leave the two of them alone, then we'd hear the screaming. When we came running to investigate, Andre would be face-down on the floor and Alaina standing next to him with her smoking-gun hands behind her back.

Parent: Alaina! Did you knock Andre down?

Alaina: Yes.

Parent: Alaina!!! Are you going to do it again?

Alaina: Yes.

Hey, you have to appreciate the honesty. But now, a year later, she and Andre have developed a relationship that is warming beyond Detente. They still have moments of possessiveness over their toys that can lead to an eardrum-popping screamfest, but they now amuse one another and, it seems, love each other. Alaina doesn't understand that Andre is closer to being her peer than Deidre (Alaina is only 14 months older than Andre, but 3.5 years younger than Deidre). But they hug each other spontaneously now and Andre is smart enough to cave when Alaina is hell-bent on taking back her property (we take no credit here -- this is nature's self-preservation mechanism in all of its wonderous, protective glory).